Reluctant & Intentional

In mid-September, there was a week called International Thinking of You week and it got me to thinking that I haven’t written on here in quite some time! And it took me another two months to sit down and START writing about it!

And here I am another almost three months after that finishing it!

It is interesting to me that we now need a specific week to thoughtfully let others know that we are thinking of them. Everything is so instant now that nothing is quite as. . .sincere as it once was. The art that used to be language feels to be nonexistent. And I don’t mean poetry, just sincere emotions felt through words shared between two people who care for each other. 

I am a very emotional person and have always been a big supporter of writing out feelings and thoughts to help process what is going on. I have done this for as far back as I can remember; it started out as a journal and as my faith grew stronger my entries started to begin with “Dear Lord” and my thoughts took on prayer form.

In college, a very good friend of mine did a lot of traveling and started to send me postcards. Whenever I did any shopping I would be sure to find the most unique postcards to send back to her. From there I started writing notes to those closest to me to help portray what was going on in my mind - I can never seem to get the right words out of my mouth when needed and it has since become my favorite way of communication.

So why don’t I use it more?

I tend to only write when I’m upset and need to get my thoughts in order so I can coherently share what is going on in my head; how much more meaningful could it be if I chose to write when I’m feeling good too? How many uplifting words could I find to share with those who maybe need encouragement or a reminder of how much they mean to me?

I used to write random encouraging messages everywhere! The bathroom mirror for myself or my roommates. Writing out memory verses on index cards to tape to the wall for a reminder of God's promises. Journals! I know I have a few journals floating around and wish these last years I had been better about writing things down to remember. Why does life get “so crazy” that making time to pause and write down our thoughts has become an afterthought?

Intentionality has become a bystander in my hectic world.

This is hitting home especially after the holidays; how often do we yearn to get into the "new" year to be better? As I'm closing out this post (seriously nearly five months after I started writing) I've struggled with getting into the holiday spirit and have wondered what's so great about a new year when it's just another day. A bit melancholy for me, I'll admit, and it has taken me by surprise; these last six months have been a very big adjustment for our family and intentionality has become something I yearn for.

Taking the time to snap a photo, slowing down to read together, and playing cards as a family.

While the boys had their winter break and I went to work, I realized it was a chance to work in new intentional habits without the confined time restraints of hectic mornings and weary evenings. We didn't do great by any means, but it did feel like a bit of a reset to get back into some good habits we'd acquired before the holiday season and before I started working. I've realized it's still possible with a few more sacrifices.

Isn't that where the reluctance for anything new emerges from? Getting out of what's comfortable even when we know it's for the best. Cutting that show short to play a game or starting the bedtime routine early to read together; it's a much-needed adjustment, but the reasons for it sometimes have to put up a fight against the excuses against intentionality.

This leads me to share my hope for this "new" year. The last few years instead of setting resolutions I've chosen a word for each year and when I was looking ahead to 2022 I decided to not choose a new word but to be more specific with the words I've been trying to focus on. Last January I'd chosen "Overcome to Flourish" and I've felt as though this phrase still adequately applies to my current season of life. However, my hope is that I can become a bit more clear with my expectations by rewording it to say "Overcome & Flourish with Intentionality."

I've felt as though I've wanted to flourish for some selfish reasons that may have started off as good-intentioned but I somehow seem to twist it to be more about and for me. Adding "with Intentionality" gives me a focal point - intentionality reminds me that Flourishing is bigger than just me and my life and my situations. To share where and what I struggle with has always been nerve-racking; isn't that what faith is though? To get outside of the comfort of safe to be intentional in sharing God's word means that not everyone will be comfortable but it is a discomfort that leads to a peace that is worth chasing after.

I don't know entirely how this will look, but I am getting excited to figure it out along the way. And it will start with this verse from Colossians as my reminder.