Distraction & Gratitude

I've been distracted lately. Does six months count as "lately?"

Let's be honest, I'm fairly easily distracted. I am most definitely in the "why did I walk into the kitchen?" crowd, but this current distraction goes beyond that.

I've let myself get distracted by the chaos around me.

Let me back up & catch you up on the past few (seriously, how has it been six, already?!) months.

About a month after I published my last post we took the Volf boys on their first (technically EJ's second) plane ride to visit their cousins in Las Vegas. It was quite an experience & although exhausting it was a good time for everybody! When we got back from that I was asked if I would be interested in being an assistant coach for the Tri-City track team; if you know me, you know I said yes! I was excited to just be asked & my excitement grew as March drew nearer & high school practice was to begin. Along with my excitement, my mom-guilt kicked in as well.

I continually second-guessed myself, especially when my original plan of "letting them play on the field during practice" failed miserably since I spent the whole practice breaking up their fights. So to daycare they went, which was not anything new to them. I had accepted a job there as well, so they already knew the ins and outs of what would become their second home for roughly two months. (Jamie, have I thanked you enough for your amazingness?)

Without an amazing village of supporters surrounding me, I would not have been able to fully give myself to coaching during the 1.5 hours after school & the long Saturdays spent at track meets. I love that sport & being able to help students to find their buried potential under uncertainties & lack of technique is an honor second only to being a mom & wife. Watching a kid, whether in a classroom or as an athlete, have that "AHA" moment after working their butts off is the most satisfying & affirming moment for a coach & makes all the long hours & other "frustrations" worth it.

That season & the school year ended with three tired & sick Volf boys. Enter mom guilt again. The month of May felt like a constant cycle of being sick, then slightly recovering only to somehow fall to another ailment & no one in our house was spared. As June rolled around & everyone seemed to finally be strengthening their immune systems, we were greeted with an early fire season.

Guess what comes with fire season. . .smoke. And quickly following that is stuffy noses & sore throats. . .again.

We got through a hot, smokey June & July, including me spending a weekend running in a relay race with 12 other women to accumulate 215 miles around White Sulfur Springs & Townsend. Sprinkled throughout those two months we also had EJ's second season of coach pitch baseball & Miles turning six & his second season of tee-ball; ending the month of July with the usual Central MT county fair shenanigans. Sanctus Real concert, rodeo & fair rides followed by an epic school shopping trip including the zoo & Scheels Ferris wheel. After weeks of hot, sticky, smokey weather we were blessed with a beautiful cool, wet weekend to celebrate EJ turning eight - thank goodness for a big shop to allow for 15(ish) kids to run around in!

Amongst even all of that, I was given an opportunity to start a part-time job getting to practice the graphic design skills that I acquired over 10 years ago at North Idaho College. Thanks to previous small jobs, I wasn't completely out of my element & being able to work my brain at that capacity again, while exhausting, has been very rewarding as well.

While our time in the car has always been extensive, working part-time in "town" adds to that quite a bit & it was no small thing to accept this position; there are numerous reasons for me to NOT take this chance - paying for daycare & gas vying for the top two slots. However, having a husband who has always fully supported me in my dreams & passion to use my creativity & who also happens to be extremely level-headed where I am not, this dream became a reality.

And now we come to why this summer has taught me how & why to overcome distractions in order to flourish in gratitude. To some, the opposite of "distraction" may be organization or time management, or productivity; in my mind, these all require a certain level of "see what I did" physical proof of achievement, which seems to only add more things to an already never-ending list. I believe, in order to overcome distraction, we need a simple (not always easy) mindset shift. Maybe everyone already knows this. Maybe I'm a little late to the game. But coming to the understanding that I can flourish in spite of the distractions & chaos around me - aka boys being themselves, mounds of laundry, seemingly constant running around to "things," & the usual cooking & cleaning - has been very freeing for me this summer. That those distractions can offer a deeper appreciation of the quiet moments I am able to carve out for myself & I get to choose what fills those moments. My "see what I got done" mentality had become another drop in the ripple of distractions which just gave me permission to continually fill the quiet moments instead of opting for what was really needed - just being. . . quiet.

I need you to know, that I'm pretty sure I've written about these same sorts of ideas before, so in all reality, this is a reminder for myself. But maybe with another school year starting, it can be a reminder for someone else, too.

Gratitude has been a bit of a stumbling block for me. You see I KNOW I have so much to be grateful for, and no I won't make a list here. But I often find myself feeling as though I don't show enough gratitude.

Last year, I was in a Bible study where we read "Get Out of Your Head" by Jennie Allen (highly recommend). The main idea is changing your thoughts to obey Christ - not a new subject. But one thing I shared that I find myself often mulling over is this idea of "when is the bad thing going to happen?" I have good friends that have gone through grueling & heart-wrenching trials; I find I don't want to visit with them about my life because what terrible thing have I gone through? How can I sit here & talk to them when they just had their hearts broken?

Sure it's chaotic & exhausting being a mom, but that's for every mom. Yes, driving nearly an hour anytime we need or want to do much of anything can be taxing, but anyone living on a farm/ranch can attest to that. Why this past year has seemed to emphasize more of this to me, I'm not sure, but it has been a struggle to find the desire to write about life because. . .well, do I seem ungrateful or that I'm taking things for granted? How can I possibly be a source of comfort to anyone when I have no "experience" to draw from?

Just writing that makes me slightly nauseous. . .like I'm just tempting the fates to throw a heart-breaking wrench into my life. How ridiculous does that sound!

Where am I going with this?

Gratitude. Gratitude is always the starting point for a mind shift. And starting with the seemingly small things, the everyday things are what normally grounds me. Gratitude that I have a husband that loves & supports me; healthy kids; extended family always willing to help out; a God that is always faithful. And knowing that because of those, I can be a support to those around me when they need an ear to listen, a shoulder for crying, or simply a friend to sit with. If I can be a steady soul for someone who needs it, even if I don't understand their pain, that is something to be significantly grateful for.

I've prayed off & on this summer about my purpose in life. (Check out my IG for more on that) I created my Instagram account for this blog thinking I could become an influencer of faith & design & life on a farm. I still don't really get how to even become an influencer, but what I have come to find out is that if I can be consistent (oh buddy that's a stretch for me sometimes!) maybe the person who needs to see or read that piece can be encouraged in some way. Maybe the simplicity of sharing Bible verses can snag the person who is having a rough day. Maybe sharing what I do struggle with, even though the world may see those struggles as small, can give hope to someone with the same struggles to know that it's ok that it feels big to them.

Being grateful doesn't diminish the hard, it simply shifts our minds to remember the hard won't last forever AND, most importantly, that we are not alone in it either.