What’s behind the “why?”
Anyone else get overwhelmed - or just plain ol’ frustrated - with the “why” question?
“Find your why” or “What is your why” or “You need to know your why.” While I understand the initial reasoning behind all these why questions, I wonder if it’s just one more way we overcomplicate things. Are we searching for a way to make sure we’re not perceived as doing something out of vanity or selfishness?
Will it make us sound more “real” or intentional if we have this deep, expressive reason why we’re doing something? I’ve seen this the most when starting the random “side-hustle” of selling make-up, then bags and clothing. Everyone’s “why” is to earn money to bring a bit more income to their family or to get the change to be a stay-at-home parent. And I do not naysay any of that. I know there are people that make that work. I also know that I am “selling” this because A) I love the product; B) I want the discount! But when those reasons don’t sound "good enough” I find myself getting stressed out that since I don’t have a good enough reason then it will just be one more failure.
I feel like this has leaked into my faith walk. I need to have a deep, spiritual understanding as to what’s going on in my life. When 99% of the time it is just hard and often, can be really crappy. The “why” is that we live in a fallen world, but we tend to dig and dig to find something that feels more concrete with something the blame.
I believe this is where God’s grace comes in to rescue us from ourselves.
The Bible says grace is a gift from God that can not be earned, but it is given freely to us by our good God BECAUSE HE LOVES US. Check out Ephesians 2:8-9 - the bit about “not by works…” convicts me every time.
This gift, if we allow it, can rescue us from our “why” spirals because when we choose to hold onto this gift the why doesn’t matter. Stick with me here…
I can remember when I was a kid I would draw and paint and color simply because I wanted to. A lot of those works of art were given to family members as cards; I wanted to give them a gift that I knew I put my heart into. And I would received praise and hugs of gratitude, no matter that my works of art were not as extravagant as anything found in a store, the love that was shared was all that was needed. I believe the grace from God is the same way - a gift shared from a place of love that needs nothing in exchange beyond a heartfelt thank you.
Sometimes this thank you looks like hands raised in worship, sometimes its a tear-filled prayer and sometimes it is choosing gratitude when life feels super crappy and all we want to do is dig for the why.
These why questions have been roaring in my brain recently (ok, the last 18+ months) and I’ve found that they have only lead me to a comparison mindset and disappointment when expectations are not met. And, if I’m being frank, I choose these spiraling paths because they are comfortable. I tend to numb out; distract myself with the least important tasks to simply make myself look productive. But even though those tasks are checked off the list, there is a hollow feeling in my soul because I know that the time I spent looking productive took me away from the thing that would bring me joy.
Do the mounds of laundry need to be done? Yes, The “soaking” dishes should be washed at some point, obviously - as I’m writing this there is a pile of both of these tasks waiting for me. Making the choice to ignore those for one hour in order to sit at my desk to write or draw or paint or take a walk have always led to feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the pieces of life that are not my favorite. And in the end, that refreshment will bring more glory to God than a list of tasks marked off that only leave me feeling depleted and farther from Him.
“...I know that the time I spent looking productive took me away from the thing that would bring me joy.”
As I’ve been trying to start something new, I’ve found that when I choose to be real with myself about my why, even when it sounds selfish, the more likely I am to not guilt myself into reasons to not follow through. I do love to draw simply because I just like it. I like to make cards because I simply like to draw and paint and to see if the person I gift the card to will know how loved they are. I like to read because sometimes I feel like I need an escape from the chaos around me. I like to write because it helps me to process what I’m going through; I do hope maybe someone reading it will find out they aren’t alone in their worries or concerns or weariness, but even if no one reads it I still got the needed bit of processing a problem out of the exercise!
When we allow ourselves to grab a hold of grace to stop the why spiral we will find that doing something “just because” is 100% a worthwhile reason to continue doing that thing. And growing in that gift of grace is being able to let go of the why a bit quicker the next time it tries to roar into our thoughts and then, not allowing guilt or shame to keep a foothold in our simple “whys” each day.
