Bit of a leading or open ended question. It’s one I’ve been wrestling with for the past month. It’s interesting how the feeling of “disconnect” wears off after about 10 days of not using social media and after three weeks of being away from it all together I found I didn’t even want to “jump on.” Which is true and yet, not the whole truth. As any other human being, I have that innate sense of FOMO and think I need to know what all is going on. But when I really think on it, like I did over the course of three weeks, I know it’s just a way to distract myself.

And we all know this and we all tell ourselves this - so what’s the breaking point? And that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Unfortunately that is such a personal question that while some can honestly answer it and follow through with a solution, others will continue avoiding and therefore, miss out on who knows how many opportunities.

This isn’t about me preaching to get off social media or standing on my soap box to be more intentional with your family. This is my honest reflection on what this has done for me.

There isn’t really any miraculous habit I formed that has made me more organized or motivated. Although I had really hoped it would! Turns out taking away social media didn’t magically make me focus on my hobbies or goals. It did help in noticing where/when I have time that I certainly could have filled with scrolling and what I could possibly do in that time otherwise. My one caveat in all this is I had somewhat poor timing.

The majority of my “free time” is spent driving. Which isn’t exactly free time; what I mean is the time that I am not doing things that need to be done, empty time that could be filled with scrolling, has been replaced with driving. I’ve had the usual driving kids to school and then myself into work and then the driving home…AND there’s been added picking up for practices and attending said practice or dropping off at practice to go then drive back to help out elsewhere. Most nights, with the exception of two, I am home just in time to get ready for bed, And, friends I am not a night owl. We have early mornings here - if I were to stay up late mornings would be a disaster!

I pray you are not reading this is hearing a pity party because there is none. I am grateful we are able to do this for our boys and grateful for the time I’ve been able to help out at church one night a week as well (I’ve missed those!) and very grateful we are able to do all this running in reliable vehicles. Yes, to all that AND I’ve had to get creative on how to create time to, well…crate. I’ve sat in a gym, the only parent there, trying to ignore the practice, with my laptop open on the bleacher, sketchbook (mini) balanced on my lap and drawing for a project I’m super excited about. I’ve sat in the same gym working on the same laptop trying to re-envision what I want to be known for in the creative world. I’ve sat in a booth for dinner alone (which, as a mom, is kind of nice…I won’t lie) trying to brainstorm without getting overwhelmed with all the ideas.

All that to say, AND I still don’t feel like I am where I should be at in the venture I’ve dreamt up. I have known that I am easily distracted by social media, but now I’ve realized that I am exceedingly distracted by my own sense of comfort and not wanting to feel the unease of “what to do next?” or “how can I possibly get this done?” or “is it going to even work?”

I have found that I am of the party “I don’t want to fail, so why try?”

And I am not sharing this for sympathy or empathy. This is what I have learned about myself. It is a harsh truth and it is my truth and I am not 100% certain of how to flip it around…yet. And I can confidently say, that without taking away the obvious distraction - scrolling - I would not have discovered this truth about myself.

In light of all of this, I’ve also discovered that resting looks differently in each season of life we have throughout the year. I find myself getting upset with myself when I get behind on a Bible study or book — surely there should be time somewhere that I could fill with those good things. Over the last few weeks, the time I had specifically set aside for those things has been spent, not scrolling AND also not reading, but with time sitting and not having to use my brain…can I get an Amen? Maybe?

Now hear me, I am still reading my Bible. I have made the decision to be ok with NOT being on the same timeline as said Bible study. Maybe some people would call it lazy or an excuse. If I were to try to go right from work, to driving home (either with or without kids), to general getting-home-pick-up time, to making dinner, to post-dinner clean up, to getting kids ready for bed and then to sit down and read, I would not consume any of what I read. And if that’s not the schedule of events, then it’s getting home just in time to get ready for bed and I’ve covered that already. I have been enjoying “catching up” on the days that are slightly less-hectic which at times are few and far between. When I am able to use this approach I find not only do I better retain what I read, I also don’t HAVE to view it as something to check off my to-do list. It’s something I GET to do to strengthen that all-important relationship.

What is going on?

I’ve heard it said more frequently “February is the new January.” Maybe so, or maybe your birthday is your “new year.” Maybe you avoid resolutions and goal setting. Maybe you take the beginning of each new month to reset your mind frame. Regardless of the when or the how or even the who…I challenge you to take that question seriously. There might not be a huge revelation each time and at times it might hurt and be hard.

What is going on?

It can be asked in a introspective way. In an exasperated way. Maybe, even sarcastically. It doesn’t really matter, as long as you take the honest few minutes to answer it for the season you are in.